497 (336a) Goodbye Judge Dread - Jingle Bells / The Hokey Cokey

Chart  entered : 16  December  1978

Chart  peak : 59

Bad  blunder  here  as  we  have  to  go  back  to  the  seventies  to  say  goodbye  to  the  ribald  white rude  boy. I've  had  a  quick  trawl  to  see  if  there's  anyone  else  whose  exit  I've  missed  but haven't  uncovered  anyone.

The  good  Judge  (  real  name  Alex  Hughes  of  course )  had  carried  on  his  merry  way  for  six years  chalking  up  ten  hits , not  a  bad  tally  for  a  novelty  act  although  since  1976  he'd  been achieving   markedly  lower  chart  positions. His  only  Top  10  hit  was  a  version  of  "Je T'Aime " in  the  summer  of  1975  which  reached  number  nine. It  shared  the  charts  with  his  straight, quasi-religious  song  "A  Child's  Prayer"  which  reached  number  7  when  covered  by  Hot  Chocolate  and  attracted  the  attention  of  the  dying  Elvis.

If  you've  heard  any  of  his  other  records  you'll  know  exactly  what  both  sides  of  the  single sound  like, a  mid-tempo  ska  groove  with  Alex  snarling  his  way  through  an  ultra-sexist   replacement  lyric  containing  a  few  single  entendres  , for  example  "Jingle  Bells " s  old  joke about  Santa  coming  once  a  year. In  "The  Hokey  Cokey"  the  changes  are  minimal, just  the word  "fingers"  and   a  two-syllabled  hooter  ( penis  by  any  chance ? )  then  letting  the  original words  do  the  suggestive  work . Both  sides  were  subject  to  the  usual  radio  ban  and  both  now sound  very  tame  and  not  remotely  funny.

Perhaps  the  most  surprising  thing  about  his  chart  demise  was  its  timing. For  all  his  smutty preoccupations,  Alex  was  a  lone  wolf  in  keeping  the  flame  of  ska  flickering  in  the  charts and  it  seems  odd  that  he  would  vanish  just  as  it  was  about  to  burn  brighter  than  ever before.

Alex  had  had  plenty  of  flops  before , including  all  his  periodic  straight  covers  under  nom  de plumes  like  JD  Alex  and  Jason  Sinclair  so  he  wouldn't  have  been  too  concerned  when  his disco  follow-up  "The  Touch"  failed  to  ignite. It's  not  a  bad  groove  actually  and  I  love  the vintage  synth  sound  on  it  but  it  was  perhaps  too  much  of  a  shock  for  his  fanbase.

Alex  went  straight  back  to  ska / reggae   for  his  next  single  "Lover's  Rock " with  its  orgasmic noises  and  a  backing  track  that  screams  early  UB40  so  accurately does  it  predict  their  sound. Though  he  was  on  Sire  the  sleeve  does  its  best  to  convince  you  it's  a  2  Tone  release  with  a black  and  white  checkerboard   background  and  Alex  dressed  as  Walt  Jabsco  on  the  cover. No one  was  fooled  though. He  then  tried  introducing  himself  to  the  new  audience  for  ska   with an  EP  headed  by  "Big  Six". That  didn't  work  either.

By  the  time  of   his  next  single  "Will  I  What  ?"  later  that  year  he  was  starting  to  sound quaint , like  Johnny  Nash  trying  his  hand  at  seaside  postcard  humour  with  nods  to  Jilted   John   and   Come  Outside. "The  Big  One"   , again, from  1980, attempts  to  carry  on  as  if nothing  had  changed  over  the  past  eight  years.

"Hello  Baby"  from  May  1981   is  a  totally  clean , ska-pop  ditty  in  a  Bad  Manners  vein  and   is  quite  charming  but  the   disc  jockeys  weren't  going  to  start  trusting  him  now. "Rub-A-Dub" from  October  brings  back  the  smut  but  also  has  some  lovely  calypso  touches.

In  1982  he  set  up  his  own  Dreadworks  label  and  released  another  disco  pastiche  "My   Name's  Dick"  which  is  embarrassingly  awful. The  label  had  already  gone  under  by  the  time of  his  next  single, "The  Ten  Commandments"  in  July  1983. This  was  a  version  of   a   Prince Buster  tune  played  on  a  cheap  synthesiser . I  haven't  heard  his  next  single  ""Not"  Guilty" .

It  was  perhaps  inevitable  that  he'd  offer  his  own  take  on  "Relax"  which  was  rude  enough already  and  he  can't  afford  the  production  to  match  the  original. It  was  followed  by  a  disco medley  "Lost  In  Rudeness" which  doesn't  raise  so  much  as  a  titter.

After  a  re-recording  of  "Big  Seven"  with  a  contemporary  dance  hall  production  in  1985, Alex seemed  to  accept  that  his  recording  career  was  effectively  over. Thereafter  he  concentrated more  on  live  work  in  his  native  South  East  and  Europe  with  only  the  occasional  single  like 1987's  "Jerk   Your  Body  "  coming  out. His  last  was  the  relatively  saccharin  "The  Ballad  of Judge  Dread " , a  completely  inoffensive  valedictory  tune  that  sounds  like  a  Specials  outtake ( surely  that's  Rico  on  the  trombone )  in  1996.

Eighteen  months  later, as  he  was  walking  off  stage  at  Canterbury  in  March  1998  Alex suffered  a   massive  heart  attack  and  never  recovered  consciousness. He  was  53.

So  why  did  we  stop  buying  his  records  ?  I  guess  he  was  a  victim  of  the  law  of  unintended consequences. I  doubt  any  punk  militant  identified  Judge  Dread  as  a  target  but  whereas  his records  were  the  most  daring  choice   in  the  Top  20   for  a  schoolboy who  wanted  to  seem edgy  in  the  glam  era, the  options  multiplied  in  the  latter  half  in  the  decade. You  could  take The  Stranglers  singing  about  a  clitoris  on  Peaches , The  Jam  working  four  letter  words  into their  hits, Kate  Bush  pointing  to  her  arse  on  the  line  "hitting  the  vaseline"  in  Wow  and  that's without  mentioning  The  Winker's  Song  (Misprint), Too  Drunk  To  Fuck  and  Friggin' In  the Riggin.  The  time  for  Alex's  humour  , rooted  in  the  seaside  postcard  tradition ,  had  gone.