503 Hello Fine Young Cannibals - Johnny Come Home

Chart  entered  :  8  June  1985

Chart  peak :  8

Number  of  hits : 11

This  story  of  course  begins  with  the  break-up  of  The  Beat  in  1983.  Guitarist  Andy  Cox  and bassist  David  Steele  wanted  to  continue  working  together   but  needed  a  new  singer. They fastened  on  the  singer  with  The  Akrylykz  , a  ska  band  of  the  early  eighties  who  had supported   most  of  the  big  2  Tone  acts.

Roland  Gift ,  of  very  mixed  race, was  born  in  Birmingham  in  1961  but  moved  to  Hull   when  he  was  11. He  attended  the  School  of  Art  where  he  formed  The  Akrylykz  in  1978  with  other   students  there. His  role  was  originally  that  of  tenor  saxophonist.  He  performed  that  role  on  their  first  double  A-sided  single,    "Spyderman / Smart  Boy "  released  on  an  independent  label  in  January  1980.  Roland   co-wrote  the  former  song,  an  energetic  Bad  Manners   romp  with  a   very  catchy  sax  refrain,  marred  by  a  tone  deaf  vocal  from  singer  Steve  Pears  . Polydor   were  impressed  enough  to  sign  the  band. They  re-released  the  single  two  months  later  but  made  "Smart  Boy "  the  sole  A-side. The  formula's  much  the  same  but  it  has  a  less  shouty  vocal.

Roland  had  been  promoted  to  lead  singer  by  the  time  of  their  next  single in  June  1980  , "J.D."   which  he  wrote.  Taking  its  lyrical  cues  from  Frankie  Lymon's  ( I'm  Not  A )  Juvenile  Delinquent   and  its   bass-heavy  sound  from  The  Specials'  debut  LP  it's  OK  but  still  strictly  second  division  ska. Roland  's  vocal  is  recognisable  but  not  as  smooth  as  on  FYC's  material. The  band  went  on  to  play  on  Desmond  Dekker's  album  Black  And  White   but  then  found  themselves  without  a  label  as  Polydor,  recognising  that   the  ska  boom  had  peaked, closed  their  account. They  split  up  the  following  year.

Roland  relocated  to  London  and  was  in  a  band  called  The  Bones  when  The  Beat  boys  came calling  in  1984.  Roland  lived  in  their  houses  for  nine  months  while  they  worked  on  a  demo tape. Once  it  was  completed  they  struggled  to  find  any  record  company  interested, not  helped by  the  conspicuous  failure  of  General  Public  to  make  any  headway. Then  an  appearance  on The  Tube,  where  Roland's  striking  looks  and  distinctive  quavering  voice  made  a  big  impression,  proved  a  game  changer  and  they  were  quickly  snapped  up  by  London.

"Johnny  Come  Home"  is  something  of  a  successor  to  Bronski  Beat's  Smalltown  Boy   but   from  the  point  of  view  of  the  parents,  worried  about  their  son  adrift  in  the  big  city. The guitar  and  bass  work  hark  back  to  Too  Nice  To  Talk  To  but  the  mournful  jazz  trumpet, beefy rock  drumming  and  most  of  all  Roland's   spare , soulful  vocal   prevent  it  from  sounding  too much  like  The  Beat  Mark  II.  Their   inability  to  write  enough  songs  would  eventually  prevent them  from  becoming  superstars   but  the  future  looked  pretty  bright  at  this  point.  

502 Goodbye David Cassidy - Romance ( Let Your Heart Go )

Chart  entered : 11 May  1985

Chart  peak : 54

One  of  1985's  forgotten  stories  was  the  brief  comeback  of  one  of  the  early  seventies'  biggest  stars. After  enjoying  two  number  one  singles  David  appeared  to  have  shot  his  bolt  by  1975  when  "Darlin'"  exited  the  charts  here; the  US  had  lost  interest  some  time  earlier. A  long  string  of  flops  followed  before  David  decided  to  quit  the  music  business  and  concentrate  on  acting  with  moderate  success.

By  1985  he  had  decided  the  time  was  right  to  attempt  a  musical  comeback  with  Cliff Richard's  producer  Alan  Tarney. The  first  single  "The  Last  Kiss "  had  exceeded  expectations by  peaking  at  number  6   in  March  1985   helped  by  featuring  George  Michael  on  backing vocals.

"Romance  ( Let  Your  Heart  Go )"  was  the  follow-up   and  was  a  joint  Tarney / Cassidy  composition.  Tarney  drops  him  into  a  murky  soup  of  Thompson  Twins  / Howard  Jones  keyboard  sounds  with  a  vaguely  Afrocentric  feel  while  David  murmurs,  in  his  usual  breathy  style,  some  tired  cliches  about  getting  it  on. His  voice  hasn't  improved  one  iota  since  his  hey-day; the  appearance  of  Matt  Bianco's  Basia  on  backing  vocals  improves  matters  slightly  but  the  tune  isn't  exactly  memorable  and  i's  a  pretty  dismal  record. It  was  helped  on  its  way  by  a  picture  disc  featuring  Dave  in  a  topless  clinch  with  a  well-known  glamour  model  15  years  his  junior  who  will  herself  be  featuring  here  before  long.

The  song  turned  out  to  be  the  title  track  of  his  album  which  reached  number  20  here  helped  by  a  sell-out  tour  and  22  in  Germany. The  third  single  "Someone"  a  rockier  number  with  corny  spoken  interlude  that  you  feel  Cliff  would  have  done  better  , failed  to  trouble  the  charts.  A   fourth  track, the  Euro-pop  "She  Knows  All  About  Boys"  written  by  Don  Merino  was  released  in  Germany.

David  was  quiet  for  the  rest  of  the  decade  then  re-emerged  in  1990  with  a  new  self-titled  LP  to  mark  his  40th  birthday. It's  a  passable  AOR  album, co-composed  with  his new  wife  Sue  Shifrin,  very  much  in  the  style  of  Richard  Marx  and  yielded  his  first  US  hit  in  18  years  ( also  his  last  )  when  "Lyin  To  Myself"  reached  number  27.  His  tour  to  promote  it  was  notable  for  employing  former  Partridge  Family  co-star  Danny  Bonaduce  as  a  warm-up  act.

Further  progress  was  stymied  by  his  record  label  being  taken  over  by  Restless  Records  who weren't  interested  in  taking  him  on.  His  next  album  in  1992  "Didn't  You  Used  To  Be  ...?" was  released  by  Scotti  Brothers. Despite  the  ironic  self-awareness  of  the  title, Dave  and  Sue's songs  don't  stray  far  from  the  usual  romantic  themes  and  the  album  is  firmly  anchored  in   the  mainstream  pop  of  the  day.  It's  competent  and  David's  voice  finally  shows  some  signs  of improvement   but  only  the  big  ballad  "I'll  Never  Stop  Loving  You"  ( co-  written  with  Asia's John  Wetton   and  later  covered  by  Heart  and  Cher )  really  demands  a  second  listen.

The  album  didn't  chart  anywhere  and  David  moved  into  musical  theatre  including  appearing  in  Blood  Brothers  with  his  half-brother  Shaun. He  hosted  a  show  8-Track  Flashback  on  VH-1  from  1995  to  1998.  David's  last  new  songs  were  on  his  1998  album  "Old  Trick  New  Dog"  featuring   your  man  with  dyed  receding  hair  on  the  cover. It  was  filled  out  with  remakes  of  old  Partridge  Family  numbers  and  had  to  be  released  on  his  own  Slamajama  label.

Since  then  David  has  stuck  to  revisiting  his  old  hits  and  scored  a number  5  hit  in  the  UK   with  "Then  And  Now " in  2001 . In  2003  he  released  a  covers  album  "A  Touch  of  Blue"  with  a  bonus  album  of  re-recordings   which  got  to  61  in  the  UK.  A  straightforward  compilation  "Could  It  Be  Forever"  got  to  52  in  2006. An  autobiography  with  the  same  title  was  published  the  following  year.

Along  with  occasional  acting  roles ,  David  has  dabbled  in  reality  TV  and  toured  frequently. In  2008  he  admitted  to  being  an  alcoholic . He  has  two  convictions  for  driving  under  the  influence  and  did  community  service  last  year.  He  filed  for  bankruptcy  last  year  and  had  to  sell  his  house. On  the  day  it  was  auctioned  off,  he  was  involved  in  a  non-fatal  road  accident  while  driving  on  a  suspended  licence  and  now  faces  charges  for  that.

501 Hello Five Star - All Fall Down

Chart   entered  :  4  May  1985

Chart  peak : 15

Number  of  hits  : 21

Few  artists'  hit  runs  can  match  this  lot  for  density  i.e. the  number  of  hits  they  managed  to score in  just  over  five  years  as  a  chart  act.

Five  Star  were  a  sibling  band  created  by  their  father  Stedman "Buster"  Pearson, a  Jamaican guitarist  who'd  come  to  the  UK  in  the  late  sixties  and  played  with  touring  soul  and  reggae acts. He  had  his  own  label  K  &B  in  the  seventies  which  concentrated  on  reggae   then  set  up Tent  in  1982,  ostensibly  to  be  a  soul  label  but  really  to  launch  his  offspring  as  a  pop  act.

Pearson  set  out  to  create  Britain's  answer  to  The  Jackson  Five  and  it  didn't  seem  to  faze   him  that  he  had   actually  had  more  girls  than  boys  in  the  line  up .The  Pearsons  were   Stedman  ( born  1964 ) , Doris  ( born  1966 ),   Lorraine  ( born  1967 ), Denise  ( born  1968 )  and  Delroy  ( born  1970 ) . Denise  was  certainly  the  lead  vocalist  and  Lorraine  did  most  of  the  talking  in  interviews  but  whether  the  roles  allotted  to  the  others  - Delroy the  musician, Doris, the  choreographer  and  Stedman  the  costume  designer  - had  much  reality  is  open  to conjecture.

The  group's  first  single  was  "Problematic"  in  October  1983. The   tinny synth-driven  pop  funk   sound  they  would  make  their  own  is  already  in  place  and  apart  from  Denise  whose  lead vocal  is  capable   the  others  are  Vocodor'ed  into  oblivion. The   awkward  phrasing   and rhythmic  stiffness  of  the  chorus   stifled  its  chances  but  the  lyric  about  female  unemployment is  at  least  interesting.  The  song  was  written  by  Magnet  hacks  George  Hargreaves  and  Tony Ajai-Ajagbe  who  were  best  known  for  the  theme  tune  to  Pebble  Mill  At  One.  Guess  which programme  gave  Five  Star  their  first  TV  break  ? Their  amateur-ish  routine,  during  which   Denise  failed  to  step  out  and  lip-synch  her  vocals,  didn't  do  much  for  the  single  but  the appearance  is  worth  mentioning  for  the  blonde  and  red  streaks  in  their  hair. They  were probably  the  first  black  entertainers  to  appropriate  Caucasian   hair  hues   for  themselves   and deserve  some  credit  for  that.

By  the  time  of  their  next  single  Buster  had  sorted  a  distribution  deal  with  RCA  so subsequent  records   were  joint  Tent  RCA  releases. Second  single  "Hide  and  Seek"  from  April 1984  has  no  political  edge ;  it's   just    a  reasonable  Madonna-ish   pop  funk  number  with  a  nice  chorus  hook  penned  by  Gary  Bell  and   Art  of  Noise's  Ann  Dudley. Bell  penned  their  third  single  "Crazy"  alone  and  it's  such  a  vapid  example  of  Shalamar-esque  electrodisco  you've  forgotten  it  before  it's  actually  finished.

For  "All  Fall  Down "  they  called  on  seventies  pop  star  Barry  Blue,  who  co-wrote  the  song with  Robin  Smith, and  Loose  Ends  producer  Nick  Martinelli. It's  another  Madonna-ish  pop funk  number  with  a  jittery  electro-funk   backing  track  supplied  by  Loose  Ends.  Denise sounds a  bit  too  squeaky  clean  to  be  singing  the  orgasmic  lyrics  and  it  seems  short  of   memorable hooks  but  it  did  the  business  and , with  the  help  of  a  smart  video , broke  the  band  both  here and  in  the  States  where  it  reached  number  65.

500 Hello Jimmy Nail - Love Don't Live Here Anymore

Chart  entered  :  27  April  1985

Chart  peak : 3

Number  of  hits : 10

Oh  Lord  save  us  from  singing  actors !  For  every  Pinball , there's  a  dozen  Robson  and  Jeromes   assaulting  our  ears. Why  do  they  do  it  ?

Jimmy  Nail  was  born  James  Bradford  in  Newcastle  in  1954. He  apparently  appeared  as  an extra  in  Get  Carter  but  his  early  career  was  in  criminality  and  he  did  time  for  assault.  In the  late  seventies  he   was  involved  in  a  couple  of  pub  rock  outfits  that  never  amounted  to anything. His  big  break  came  in  1983  when  he  was  picked  for  the  role  of  drunken  moron Oz in  Auf  Wiedersehn  Pet  even  though  he  had virtually  no  acting  experience.  Despite  looking like a  grown  up  version  of  Pug  from  the  Bash  Street  Kids  and  his  boorish  character  having  the charm  of  a  wasp  at  a  picnic, Oz  somehow  struck  a  chord  with  the  public  and  made  this record  possible.

The  bad  fairies  facilitating  Jimmy's  next  crack  at  pop  fame  were  Richard  Branson  who offered  him  a  one  album  deal  on  Virgin  and  Queen  drummer  Roger  Taylor  who  produced  , drummed  and  played   synths  on  the   single. His  own  useless  solo  material  tells  you  all  you need  to  know  about  his  artistic  judgement  away  from  Queen.

"Love  Don't  Here  Anymore "  was  of  course  a  big  hit  for  Rose  Royce  just  six  and  a  half   years  earlier.  What  Jimmy  thought  he  was  bringing  to  the  table  is  anybody's  guess.  He doesn't  have  that  bad  a  voice  but  shows  scant  regard  for  the  song's  melody  with  the  hook line having  a  different  tune  each  time  it  comes  round. He  just  comes  across  as  an  enthusiastic amateur  next  to  Gwen  Dickey's  reading. For  his  part  Roger  of  course  dispenses  with  the memorably  primitive  syn-drum  sounds  on  the  original  and  gives  us  hackneyed  Phil  Collins gated  drum  breaks  instead  . Would  this  have  been  a  hit  for  an  unknown  singer  from  the clubs ?  Of  course  not .  

499 Hello New Model Army - No Rest

Chart  entered : 27  April  1985

Chart peak : 28

Number  of  hits : 14

Few  bands  featuring  here  merit  the  description  "cult  act  "  better,  with  none  of  their  hits showing  the  remotest  sign  of  crossing  over  in  any  meaningful  way.

New  Model  Army  were  formed  in  Bradford  in  the  autumn  of  1980  by  24-year  old  Justin Sullivan, a  singer-songwriter  with  a  Quaker  background  and  interest  in  history  with  bassist Stuart  Morrow  and   a  drummer  called  Tompkins  who  was  soon  replaced  by  a  guy  called Waddington.  They  were  named  after  Cromwell's  troops  in  the  English  Civil  War  and  Justin  adopted  the  stage  name  Slade  The  Leveller  in  reference  to  the  most  radical  sect  operating  at  that  time.  It  took  a  while  for  them  to  get  a  record  out  by  which  time  their  drummer  was Rob  Heaton  who  had  been  acting  as  drum  roadie  for  a  number of  bands  most  notably  space  rockers  Hawkwind.

Their  first  single  "Bittersweet "  was  released  on  the  Quiet  label  in  March  1983  showcasing  a  dry  metallic  postpunk  sound  with The  Cure  the  most  obvious  influence. Justin's  lyrics  evince  a  similar  sense  of  disquiet.  It's  quite  listenable  but  Bradford  being  quite  distant  from  the  normal  centres  of  musical  activity  it  didn't  get  heard.

Still  it  made  enough  waves  for  them  to  move  on  to  a  bigger indie  label,  Abstract,  who  released  their  second  single  "Great  Expectations "  in   November  1983. Built  around  Stuart's  steely  bass  line  the  song  has  energy  and  propulsion  but  does  show  Justin's  limitations  as  a  singer  and  lyricist. There's  an  obvious  eagerness  to  get  his  message  across  but  often  the  lines  are  declaimed  theatrically  in  Rex  Harrison  style  rather  than  sung  and  some  of  the  lyrics  are  unpolished  to  say  the  least. The  song  works  up  a  head  of  steam  about  materialism   but  when  the  chorus  has  lines  like  "Well  that's  not  much  to  ask, it's  really  not, not  much  to  ask, just  the  same  as  anybody  else   they  sound  like  a  sixth  form  band  rather  than  The  Jam.

Nevertheless  Peelie  got  behind   them  and  after  appearing  on  The  Tube  in  January  1984  they  started  making  waves  in  the  independent  charts. Their  debut  album  "Vengeance"  was  released  in  April  1984. The   half  hour   LP  is  full  of  shouty  passion   and   political  commitment   about right  wing  evangelism  ( "Christian  Militia " )  Nazi  war  criminals  and  drug  pushers  ( "Vengeance" )  and  the  Falklands  conflict  ( " Spirit  of  the  Falklands " )   but  no  real  tunes  ( "Notice  Me "  is  as  melodic  as  it  gets ). "Sex  ( The  Black  Angel )  "  is  an  absolute  stinker  and  should  never  have  been  committed  to  vinyl.  Nevertheless  the  album  topped  the  indie  charts.

A  standalone  single  "The  Price"  followed  in  October .  A  pounding  song  with  a  relentless   bass  line  but  vague  lyric  about  a  troubled  drive,   it  pleased  their  indie  audience  with   its Bauhaus/ Comsat  Angels  indie  rock  sound  but musically  didn't  move  them  forward. Their steady  sales  however  convinced  EMI  that  they  were  worth  a  punt.

"No  Rest"  was  their  first  release  for  EMI  who  helped  it  into  the  charts  with  a  free  single  containing  some  bootlegged  tracks  which  the  band  saw  as  some  great  conceptual  joke.  A  grinding  tale  of  religious  confusion  with  Stuart's  bass  again  the  lead  instrument,  it  has  the  semblance  of  a  hook  in  the  chorus  though  you  wouldn't   really  say  it  was  tuneful.  Some  of   Justin's  ranting  in  the  verses  puts  you  in  mind  of  Killing  Joke's  Jaz  Coleman.  It's  sort  of  interesting  as  you  never  quite  know where  it's  going; the  quiet  interlude  with  Stuart  plucking  out  dolorous  notes  is  a  real  surprise. They  were  allowed  to  play  it  live  on  Top  of  the  Pops  though  Justin  and  Rob  had  to  tape  over  the  word  "Bastards "  ( as  in  "Only  Stupid  B...s  Use  Heroin" )  on  their  T-shirts.      

498 Hello The Pogues - A Pair of Brown Eyes

Chart  entered : 6  April  1985

Chart  peak : 72

Number  of  hits : 18

Back  to  1985  now  and  some  more  failed  punks  making  good.

The  Pogues  arose  from  the  ashes  of  a  punk  band  called  The  Nips. Frontman  Shane  McGowan  was  born  on  Christmas  Day  1957  to  Irish  parents  in  Kent  and  spent  his  early  years  moving  between  the  two  countries. He  won  a  literature  scholarship  to  Westminster  School  but  was  expelled  for  drug  misdemeanours. He  gravitated  towards  the  London   punk  scene, worked  in  a  record  store  and,  in  1976,  had  an  earlobe  near-bitten  off  at  a  Clash  concert  by  Jane  Crockford  ( later  of  The  Mo-dettes ). He  acquired  the  nickname  Shane  O' Hooligan  and  shortly  afterwards  helped  form  The  Nipple  Erectors  with  Shanne  Bradley.

They  released  their  first  single  "King  of  the  Bop"  in  May  1978 , a  raw  attempt  at  Stooges  garage  punk  with  Shane  barking  out  the  repetitive  lyric  in  a  style  that  makes  Billy Bragg  sound  melodic.  By  the  time  of  their  next  single  in  September  they  had  changed  their  name  to  the  slightly  more  radio-friendly  The  Nips. "All  The  Time  In  The  World" has  a  more  early  Stones  R  &  B  feel  to  it  but  it's  just  as  rough  with  little  evidence  of  Shane's  later  development  as  a  songwriter.

By  the  time  of  the third  single  "Gabrielle"  they  were  shifting  to  a  more  melodic  powerpop style  and  the  song   has  echoes  of  The  Cars' My  Best  Friend's  Girl  and  Mink  Deville's Spanish  Stroll.  Despite  it  not  having  much  of  a  chorus,  Chiswick  took  it  on  and  re-released   it  but  were  not  rewarded  with  a  hit. The  band  demoed  some  new  songs  at  the  beginning  of 1980  with  Paul  Weller  producing  but  Chiswick  weren't  impressed  with  them  and  the  band announced  they  were  splitting  after  a  gig  in  March  1980. A  live  LP  "Only  The  End  of  the Beginning  "  was  put  out  to  mark  their  passing.

Before  the  year  was  out  though  Shane  and  Shanne  had  reformed  the  band  with  a  new guitarist  James  Fearnley , a 26  year  old  Mancunian  and  Jon  Moss  on  drums. The  band started to  explore  Irish   folk  music  but  split  up  in  1981  when  Bradley  decided  she  needed  a  break.

Shane's  response  was  to  spend  more  time  with  a  side  band  he'd  been  nurturing  sporadically called  The  Millwall  Chainsaws  with  Peter "Spider" Stacy  who  played  the  tin  whistle  and English  banjo  player  Jeremy "Jem"  Finer.  They  changed  their  name  to  The  New Republicans  and  unsuccessfully  sought  a  licence  to  busk.  Shane  knew  that  James  had  taken piano  lessons  and  so  reasoned  that  he  would  be  able  to  play  the  accordion  too. James accepted  the  challenge  and  on  his  arrival  in  1982  the  band  changed  their  name  to  "Pogue Mahone "  ( "kiss  my  arse "  in  Gaelic ). Shane  next  invited  in  Cait  O'  Riordan,  a  17-year  old Irish  Nips  fan  he'd  met  at  the  record  store  to  play  bass  although  she  was  barely  familiar with  the  instrument. Andrew  Ranken  joined  on  drums.

They  immediately  started  to  build  up  a  live  following  with  their  beer-fuelled  riotous performances  and  a  sound  that  married  punk  attack  with  traditional  Irish  instruments. By  1984 they  were  touted  in  the  rock  press  as  leaders  of  the  "cow  punk "  scene  alongside  other bands showing  an  interest  in  roots  music  such  as  The  Shillelagh  Sisters  and  The  Boothill  Foot Tappers . This  was  the  backdrop  to  the  release  of  their  first  single  "Dark  Streets  of  London" released  in  May  1984  on  their  own  label  although  Stiff  quickly  signed  them  up  and  re-released  it. The  jaunty  melody  rather  belies  the  lyric  about  homeless  schizophrenics  wandering aimlessly  through  the  capital.

It  got  a  modicum  of  airplay  prompting  some  Gaelic-speaking  Scot  to  complain  about  the name  and  the  band  bowed  to  record  company  pressure  to  rename  themselves  The  Pogues. Their  first  single  under  that  name  "Boys  From  The  County  Hell"  was  released  around  the  same  time  as   their  debut  album  "Red  Roses  For  Me"  but  given  the  amount  of  expletives  in  the  lyrics,  it's  doubtful  it  would  have  been  a  hit  anyway.  The  song  is  mainly  an  account  of  drunken  violence  that  you  assume  is  taking  place  in  Ireland  although  there's  a  sudden  reference  to  Vietnam  towards  the  end. It's  one  of  Shane's  wordier  efforts  with  the  musicians  sounding  like  they're  struggling  to  keep  up  with  him.

The  album  is  a  raw  record , spartanly  produced  by  Shane's  old  boss  at  the  record  shop  Stan  Brennan. Cait  keeps  things  very  simple  on  the  bass  and  the  sound  throughout  is  a  bit  thin, perhaps  deliberately  so  as  a  protest  against  eighties  production  values.  Besides  the  singles  there  are  just  three  McGowan  original  songs  plus  an  instrumental; the  other  tracks  are  assaults  on  traditional  Irish  tunes  and  a  Brendan  Behan  theatrical  number. There  are  hints  that  better  was  to  come  but  generally  it's  a  bit  hard  on  the  ear  and  "Dark  Streets  of  London"  is  probably  the  best  track. It  got  to  number  89  in  the  charts.

"A  Pair  of  Brown  Eyes "  was  their  next  release. Shane  re-purposes  the  melody  of  Francis  McPeake's  Wild  Mountain  Thyme   for  a  tale  of  encountering  a  World  War  One  veteran  in  a  bar  and  listening  to  his  description  of   the  carnage. It  is  a  folk  lament  rather  than  a  pop  song  with  no  key  or  tempo  change  and  little  obvious  hit  potential. It's  a  testament  to  their  burgeoning  following , plus  Stiff's  enduring  skill  at  marketing  gimmicks,   that  it  snuck  into  the  bottom  end  of  the  charts.

497 (336a) Goodbye Judge Dread - Jingle Bells / The Hokey Cokey

Chart  entered : 16  December  1978

Chart  peak : 59

Bad  blunder  here  as  we  have  to  go  back  to  the  seventies  to  say  goodbye  to  the  ribald  white rude  boy. I've  had  a  quick  trawl  to  see  if  there's  anyone  else  whose  exit  I've  missed  but haven't  uncovered  anyone.

The  good  Judge  (  real  name  Alex  Hughes  of  course )  had  carried  on  his  merry  way  for  six years  chalking  up  ten  hits , not  a  bad  tally  for  a  novelty  act  although  since  1976  he'd  been achieving   markedly  lower  chart  positions. His  only  Top  10  hit  was  a  version  of  "Je T'Aime " in  the  summer  of  1975  which  reached  number  nine. It  shared  the  charts  with  his  straight, quasi-religious  song  "A  Child's  Prayer"  which  reached  number  7  when  covered  by  Hot  Chocolate  and  attracted  the  attention  of  the  dying  Elvis.

If  you've  heard  any  of  his  other  records  you'll  know  exactly  what  both  sides  of  the  single sound  like, a  mid-tempo  ska  groove  with  Alex  snarling  his  way  through  an  ultra-sexist   replacement  lyric  containing  a  few  single  entendres  , for  example  "Jingle  Bells " s  old  joke about  Santa  coming  once  a  year. In  "The  Hokey  Cokey"  the  changes  are  minimal, just  the word  "fingers"  and   a  two-syllabled  hooter  ( penis  by  any  chance ? )  then  letting  the  original words  do  the  suggestive  work . Both  sides  were  subject  to  the  usual  radio  ban  and  both  now sound  very  tame  and  not  remotely  funny.

Perhaps  the  most  surprising  thing  about  his  chart  demise  was  its  timing. For  all  his  smutty preoccupations,  Alex  was  a  lone  wolf  in  keeping  the  flame  of  ska  flickering  in  the  charts and  it  seems  odd  that  he  would  vanish  just  as  it  was  about  to  burn  brighter  than  ever before.

Alex  had  had  plenty  of  flops  before , including  all  his  periodic  straight  covers  under  nom  de plumes  like  JD  Alex  and  Jason  Sinclair  so  he  wouldn't  have  been  too  concerned  when  his disco  follow-up  "The  Touch"  failed  to  ignite. It's  not  a  bad  groove  actually  and  I  love  the vintage  synth  sound  on  it  but  it  was  perhaps  too  much  of  a  shock  for  his  fanbase.

Alex  went  straight  back  to  ska / reggae   for  his  next  single  "Lover's  Rock " with  its  orgasmic noises  and  a  backing  track  that  screams  early  UB40  so  accurately does  it  predict  their  sound. Though  he  was  on  Sire  the  sleeve  does  its  best  to  convince  you  it's  a  2  Tone  release  with  a black  and  white  checkerboard   background  and  Alex  dressed  as  Walt  Jabsco  on  the  cover. No one  was  fooled  though. He  then  tried  introducing  himself  to  the  new  audience  for  ska   with an  EP  headed  by  "Big  Six". That  didn't  work  either.

By  the  time  of   his  next  single  "Will  I  What  ?"  later  that  year  he  was  starting  to  sound quaint , like  Johnny  Nash  trying  his  hand  at  seaside  postcard  humour  with  nods  to  Jilted   John   and   Come  Outside. "The  Big  One"   , again, from  1980, attempts  to  carry  on  as  if nothing  had  changed  over  the  past  eight  years.

"Hello  Baby"  from  May  1981   is  a  totally  clean , ska-pop  ditty  in  a  Bad  Manners  vein  and   is  quite  charming  but  the   disc  jockeys  weren't  going  to  start  trusting  him  now. "Rub-A-Dub" from  October  brings  back  the  smut  but  also  has  some  lovely  calypso  touches.

In  1982  he  set  up  his  own  Dreadworks  label  and  released  another  disco  pastiche  "My   Name's  Dick"  which  is  embarrassingly  awful. The  label  had  already  gone  under  by  the  time of  his  next  single, "The  Ten  Commandments"  in  July  1983. This  was  a  version  of   a   Prince Buster  tune  played  on  a  cheap  synthesiser . I  haven't  heard  his  next  single  ""Not"  Guilty" .

It  was  perhaps  inevitable  that  he'd  offer  his  own  take  on  "Relax"  which  was  rude  enough already  and  he  can't  afford  the  production  to  match  the  original. It  was  followed  by  a  disco medley  "Lost  In  Rudeness" which  doesn't  raise  so  much  as  a  titter.

After  a  re-recording  of  "Big  Seven"  with  a  contemporary  dance  hall  production  in  1985, Alex seemed  to  accept  that  his  recording  career  was  effectively  over. Thereafter  he  concentrated more  on  live  work  in  his  native  South  East  and  Europe  with  only  the  occasional  single  like 1987's  "Jerk   Your  Body  "  coming  out. His  last  was  the  relatively  saccharin  "The  Ballad  of Judge  Dread " , a  completely  inoffensive  valedictory  tune  that  sounds  like  a  Specials  outtake ( surely  that's  Rico  on  the  trombone )  in  1996.

Eighteen  months  later, as  he  was  walking  off  stage  at  Canterbury  in  March  1998  Alex suffered  a   massive  heart  attack  and  never  recovered  consciousness. He  was  53.

So  why  did  we  stop  buying  his  records  ?  I  guess  he  was  a  victim  of  the  law  of  unintended consequences. I  doubt  any  punk  militant  identified  Judge  Dread  as  a  target  but  whereas  his records  were  the  most  daring  choice   in  the  Top  20   for  a  schoolboy who  wanted  to  seem edgy  in  the  glam  era, the  options  multiplied  in  the  latter  half  in  the  decade. You  could  take The  Stranglers  singing  about  a  clitoris  on  Peaches , The  Jam  working  four  letter  words  into their  hits, Kate  Bush  pointing  to  her  arse  on  the  line  "hitting  the  vaseline"  in  Wow  and  that's without  mentioning  The  Winker's  Song  (Misprint), Too  Drunk  To  Fuck  and  Friggin' In  the Riggin.  The  time  for  Alex's  humour  , rooted  in  the  seaside  postcard  tradition ,  had  gone.

496 Goodbye Rose Royce - Love Me Right Now

Chart  entered : 6  April  1985

Chart  peak : 60

After  the  initial  success  of  "Car  Wash", Rose  Royce  had  gone  on  to  be  one  of  the  top  disco acts  in  the  late  seventies. While  their  success  in  the  US  was  tailing  off  by  1978  that  was their  peak  year  in  the  UK  with  the  number  7  album,  "Rose  Royce III  ; Strikes  Again" spawning  two  top  3  singles  in  "Wishing  On  A  Star"  and  "Love  Don't  Live  Here  Anymore"  ( a song  we'll  be  discussing  again  shortly, more's  the  pity  ). That  may  have  been  their  undoing actually  as  both  were  plaintive  ballads  sung  by  Gwen  Dickey ;  when  one  of  the  male vocalists  in  the  band, Kenny  Copeland  or  Kenji  Brown  did  the  lead  vocal,  the  hits  weren't as  big. Gwen  has  said  there  was  resentment  about  the  way  she  was  drafted  in  by Norman Whitfield  from  the  start  and  in  1980  she  quit,  not  long  after  their  Greatest  Hits  album  was a  surprise  UK  number  1.  The  band  considered  breaking  up  but  soon  returned  with  a  revamped line  up. Richee  Benson  took  over  from  Gwen. Kenji  was  replaced  on  guitar by  Walter McKinney  and  Michael  Nash  came  in  for  Victor  Nix  on  keyboards. Without Gwen  they  had a  much  harder  time  of  it, their  albums  no  longer  charted  and most  of  their  singles  flopped. In 1981  they  deserted  Whitield  for  a  completely  barren  time  on  Epic.  Percussionist  Terry Santiel   left  after  a  dispute  over  management  and  wasn't  permanently  replaced.  They moved on  to  Streetwave  where there  was  a  modest  revival  in  their  fortunes  with  the  album "Music Magic"  and  single  "Magic  Touch"  both  minor  hits  in  the  UK.

"Love  Me  Right  Now "  was  the  taster  single  for  their  next  LP  "The  Show Must  Go  On".  It's a  competent   contemporary  pop  soul  workout  with  a  Billie  Jean-ish  bassline. Richee's  a  better than  average  soul  singer  but  her  voice  lacks  that  girl-ish  quality  that  made  Gwen  so appealing. It's  the  sort  of  single  that  needs  steady  airplay  to  make  real  progress  and  that wasn't  forthcoming.  

There  were  no  more singles  from  the  album  suggesting  that  Streetwave  had  already  decided   to  end  the  association  before  the  record  came  out. The  group moved  on  to  Omni  ( Carerre  in the  UK ), their  fourth  label  in  five  years.  They  re-emerged  in  1987  ( without  bassist  Lequeint  Jobe  who  had  to  be  fired  for  an  out  of  control  cocaine  addiction  or  saxophonist  Michael  Moore  for  reasons  unknown  to me  )   with  "Lonely  Road "  an MOR  soul  ballad  that  sounds  like  a  run  of  the  mill  Tina  Turner  single. They  followed  up with  a  version  of  Whitfield's  "Just  My  Imagination"  sung  by  Kenny  in  falsetto  so  that  it sounds  like  The  Stylistics. It's  not  awful, just  dull. Both  tracks  were  on  their  album  "Fresh Cut "  which  bombed.  To  rub  salt  in  the  wound,  a  re-release  of   "Car  Wash / Is  It  Love  You're  After ", the  latter  chosen  after  the  prominent  use  of  its  startling,  stabbing  brass  intro  in  the  recent  number  one  hit  Theme  from  S-Express , reached  number  20  in  the  UK  in  1988.

There  was  one  more  album  in  1989. "Perfect  Lover " . From  the  tracks  I've  heard  it  sounds like  they  were  keeping  up  with  current  trends  in  dance  music   with  Richee  deliberately recorded   to  sound  like  Madonna   but  not  coming  up  with  anything  distinctive. With  that  they ceased  to  be  a  recording  act.

Rose  Royce  continue  to  tour  and  occasionally  release  a  live  album   to  this  day  but,  over the years,  have  contracted  to  a  five  piece  of  Richee,  Kenny , Michael  Nash, trumpeter  Freddie  Dunn and  drummer  Henry  Garner . They  don't  come  to  the  UK  where  Gwen  has  a  rival  outfit.

The  former  singer  had  gone  into  seclusion  in  Miami  after  leaving  the  group  and  took  some persuading  to  return  to  the  music  business. In  1987  she  signed  up  with  Joey  Boy  Records for a  couple  of   electro-disco   singles  "I'm  In  Love  Again"  and  "Why  Can't  We  Be  Lovers "  (  a collaboration  with  girl  group  Sequal ). They're  both  pretty good  but  nothing  happened. Gwen then  re-located  to  the  UK  and  re-embraced  her  past  with  a  house  version  of  "Car Wash"  on Swanyard  Records  which  was  a  minor  hit  ( number  72 ). I  prefer  the  original  to  be  honest. After  one  more  single  , "Don't  Stop " in  1992  which  I  haven't  heard  , Gwen  ceased  to  have  a recording  contract  of  her  own   but  started  popping  up  on  other  people's  records   as  a   featured  artist  , especially  if  they  were  attacking  the  Rose  Royce  back  catalogue. She  also started  touring  her  own  new  version  of  the  band. She   has  had  hits  with  K.W.S. ( "Ain't Nobody ", number  21, 1994 ) , Jay -Z ( "Wishing  On  A  Star ", number  13, 1998 )  and  her  own Rose  Royce  ( "Car  Wash"  again  , number  18, 1998 ) . Gwen  is  open  to  the  idea  of  performing with  the  old  band  again  but  doesn't  expect  it  to  happen.

Kenji  did  some  backing  vocals  for  the  group's  1984  album  "Music  Magic " but  other  than   that  seems  to  have  left  the  music  business.

Victor  settled  into  session  work  before  moving  into  contemporary  gospel  in  the  mid-nineties . He   works  as  a  producer  and  occasional  recording  artist  in  California.

Walter  played  on  with  Rose  Royce  for  a  number  of  years  then  switched  to  an  outfit  called  Man  Vs  Man  in  Omaha. He  died  last  September.

Lequeint  started  living  on  the  streets  after  quitting  the  band  and  eventually  did  a  four  year  stint  in  prison  for  drugs  offences. He  now  performs  as  The  Duke  of  Royce.

Terry  is  a  successful  percussionist  for  hire  who  has  toured  with  Janet  Jackson  and  Elton  John.

I  have  no  information  on  Michael  Moore.

495 Goodbye Bernard Jewry* - Got A Little Heartache

( * as  Alvin Stardust )

Chart  entered : 23  March  1985

Chart  peak : 55

After  a  long  and  remarkable  chart  run  it  was  time  for  Bernard  to  say  goodbye. Shane  Fenton and  the  Fentones  had  quickly  run  aground  in  the  Beatles  era   after  chalking  up  six  hits  and split  up  in  1964. For  nearly  a  decade  he  was  out  of  the  spotlight  as  an  A & R  man  and  club performer  with  wife  Iris. Then  Peter  Shelley  ( the  other  one  )  asked  him  to  front  a  record  he had  recorded  as  "Alvin  Stardust"  called  "My  Coo-Ca-Choo"  which  was  already  climbing  the charts  in  December  1973. With  a  hastily  contrived  image  based  on  Gene  Vincent ,  Bernard appeared  on  Top  of  the  Pops  despite  having  nothing  to  do  with  the  record. Tony  Blackburn was  the  first  person  to  recognise  him  as  the  former  Shane  Fenton. The  record  was  kept  off the  top  spot  by  Slade  but  the  identikit  follow-up  "Jealous  Mind"  got  to  number  one  in  1974. For  a  short  time  Alvin   ( as  we'll  now  call  him )  was  a  big  star  and  did  a  series  of  Green Cross  Code  commercials  but  glam  was  already  on  the  turn  and  his  run  of  hits  apparently petered  out  in  1975. Magnet  dropped  him  in  1977  but  four  years  later  he  was  picked  up  by Stiff, looking  to  ride  on  the  coat-tails  of  Shakin'  Stevens' success. His  rock  and  roll  version  of Nat  King  Cole's  "Pretend"  reached  number  4  in  1981  but  he  only  managed  to  give  Stiff  one more  minor  hit  from  five  subsequent  singles. In  1984  he  signed  with  Chrysalis  and  rewarded them  with  four  more  hits  of  which  this  was  the  last. He  was  helped  by  tabloid  interest  in his relationship  with  actress  Liza  Goddard.

"Got  A  Little  Heartache "  was  written  by  the   Graham  Lyle / Terry  Britten  partnership  and  produced  by  Shaky's  producer  Stuart  Colman.  It's  a  pleasant  enough  pop  rock  track  with  a  Motown  backbeat  and  some  surprisingly  good  guitar  work  from  Dave  Edmunds  . It  does  take  a  bit  too  long  to  get  to    the   chorus   which  is  probably  why  it  didn't  get  much  airplay  and  was  only  a  minor  hit.

Alvin  was  then  guilty  of  a  dreadful  error  of  judgement . He  was  talked  into  performing  a  song  at  the  British  heat  for  Eurovision. With  little  to  gain  and  much  to  lose - by  this  time  the  British  finalist   wasn't  guaranteed  a  sizable  hit  but  the  losers  in  the  heat  were  guaranteed  for obscurity  - Alvin  came  third , the  winner  being  the  instantly  forgettable  Love  Is "  by  Vikki.  The  song  "Clock  On  The  Wall "  is  a  vacuous  12  bar  blues  sounding  like  Shaky  fronting  Status  Quo  but  it  was  fit  for  purpose  and  Alvin  was  head  and  shoulders  above  every  one  else  in  terms  of  public  profile. Perhaps  the  voting  public  thought  that  was  unfair  and  punished  him  accordingly.

Chrysalis  recognised  the  disaster  and  halted  the  pressing  of  the  single  - it  eventually  came  out  as  part  of  a  double  pack  with  the  re-released  "So  Near  To  Christmas" later  that  year.   He  released  another  song  by  the  same  writers  "Sleepless  Nights"  in  June  but  I  never  heard  it  and  I  don't  think  many  other  people  did  either.

Alvin  then  found  God  and  joined  the  cast  of  the  Rock  Gospel  TV  show  , releasing  the duet  "I  Hope  And  I  Pray"  with  Christian  singer  Sheila  Walsh  ( she'd  later  have  a  minor  hit  with  Cliff ) . It's  unbearable  jollity   sets  my  teeth  on  edge  and  Barry  Blue's  bombastic  Fairlight   noises  certainly  sounds  like  the  devil's   work to  me.

Alvin's  last  release  for  Chrysalis  "Just  Like  Lovers " was  fittingly  sneaked  out  under  a  nom  de  plume , The  Jury  ( see  what  he  did  there  ? )  but  the  verdict  was  another  miss.

Alvin  almost  certainly  realised  by  now  that  his  time  as  a  top  pop  star  was  over  and  he  was  already  getting  into  musical  theatre.  Magnet  sentimentally  let  him  cut  a  last  single  for  them  "Jailhouse  Rock  ( The  Coming  Out  Mix ) "  in  October  1986. Over  three  years  elapsed  before  "Christmas"  a  Betjeman  poem  and  a  collaboration  with  Mike Read  (!! )  slipped  out  on  a  tiny  label. He  also  presented  a  children's  magazine  programme,  It's  Stardust  Time   in  1989.

As  the  decade  turned  Alvin  decided  to  go  down  the  Gary Glitter  route  - only  in  his  professional  life  I  must  add  - and  turn  his  concerts  into  a  full  blown  pantomime  act  , tottering  about  on  ridiculous  heels  with  a  monster  quiff  wig. He  nearly  came  a  cropper  when  he  collapsed  on  stage  in  1994. Reports  vary  on  the  cause  ; some  say  a  firecracker  went  off  near  his  face  and  he  over-balanced  in  pulling  away  from  it  while  Alvin  himself  said  he fainted  through  the  heat  in  the  wig  and  being  elevated  to  near  the  lighting  rig.

Thankfully  Alvin  recovered  to  take  part  in   Channel  Four's  Glam  Top  10   and  release  a  comedy  version  of  "My  Coo-Ca-Choo"  with  Jo  Brand  which  sank  like  a  stone. Is  there  anything  sadder  than  a  comedy  record  that  nobody  buys  ?  Well  yes  there  is  but  we'll  get  to  that  in  a  moment.

Alvin  continued  to  tour  although  failing  health  curtailed  his  schedule  after  being  diagnosed  with  prostate  cancer  at  the  beginning  of  2013.  Alvin  very  nearly  died  with  his  platform   boots  on  as  he  passed  away  just   a  day  after  his  final  concert  at  Evesham   in   October  2014  aged  72. It  turned  out  that   our  man  had  one  more  new  guise  to  pull  off   from  beyond  the  grave  as  he  had  a  posthumous  album  ready  to  go.  "Alvin "  is  an  album  of   slow  sombre  tunes   with  our  man  largely  sticking   to  a  deep  growl  although  his   voice  stayed  in  pretty  good  nick  to  the  end.  Alvin  sounds  like  he's  been  listening  to  Scott  Walker,  The  The  and  Tom  Waits   but  most  of  all  Johnny  Cash . Mr  Rubin, you  have  a  lot  to  answer  for !  There  was  genuine  grief  at  Alvin's  passing  but  this  didn't  stretch  to  buying  his  final  musical  testament.

494 Hello Jaki Graham* - Could It Be I'm Falling In Love

( *  David  Grant  and.....  )

Chart  entered  :  23 March  1985

Chart  peak : 5

Number  of  hits : 12

Jacqueline  Graham  was  born  in  Birmingham  in  1956  to  first  generation  immigrants.  She  got married  to  her  childhood  sweetheart  at  20. In  the  early  eighties  she  sang  with  unrecorded   jazz  funk  outfits  Ferrari  and  Medium  Wave and  toured  with  UB40  as  a  backing  vocalist. She was  noticed  by  an  EMI  talent  scout  and signed  to  the  label.

She  released  her  first  single "What's  the  Name  of  your  Game ? "  in  1983,  a  so-so  dance  tune which  sounds  like  Paul  Hardcastle  did  the  backing  track  with  a  production  that  didn't  do Jaki's  voice  any  favours. This  was  put  right  for  her  second  single  "Heaven  Knows "  a  sultry soul  number  written  by  producer  Derek  Bramble. Despite  getting  to  perform  it  on Crackerjack the  single  wasn't  a  hit  first  time  round  but  did  get  to  number  59  on  re-release   18  months  later.  Bramble  also  wrote  her  next  single  "Once  More  With  The  Feeling "  a  more uptempo  Motown-influenced  track  but  there was  still  no  sign  of  a  breakthrough.

For  that  reason  EMI  gave  her  the  go-ahead  to  record  this  duet  with  ex-Linx  singer  David Grant  on  his  label  Chrysalis. The  song  was  originally  a  number  11  hit  for  The  Detroit Spinners  in  1973  a  fine  pop  soul  number. Bramble  ups  the  tempo  and  beefs  up  the  rhythm section  but  otherwise  it's  pretty  faithful  to  the  original. As  the  bigger  name  - although  his  solo  career  was  faltering  by  this  time  - Grant  gets  the  lion's  share  of  the  song  despite  having  the  less  distinctive  voice. Getting    to  number  five  probably  over-rewarded  the  single  but  at  least  it  provided  the  springboard  for  Jaki's  subsequent  success.

493 Hello Billy Bragg - Between The Wars

Chart  entered : 16  March  1985

Chart  peak : 15

Number  of  hits : 14

As  late  as  1985 ,  also-rans  from  the  punk  era  were  still  breaking  through  in  new  guises. Billy  is  the  first  of  three  such  examples  to  feature  in  the  next  few  posts.

Billy  was  born  in  Barking  in  1957  to  middle  class  parents. Billy  learned  to  play  the  guitar  at  school  absorbing  folk  as  well  as  rock  influences.  He  formed  his  own  band  Riff  Raff   with  friend  "Wiggy"  in  1977 . He  was  turned  on  to  the  idea  of  using  rock  music  to  promote  activism  by  seeing  The  Clash  at  a  Rock  Against  Racism  concert  in  April  1978.

Two  months  later  Riff  Raff  put  out  their  first  record, the  EP   "I  Wanna  Be  A  Cosmonaut"  on  Chiswick .  The  title  track  is  terrible, punk  at  its  most  oik-ish  making  The  Angelic  Upstarts  sound  sophisticated  by  comparison. Thankfully  it's  unrepresentative  with  second  track  "Romford  Girls"  being  a  tuneful  and  affectionate  tribute  to  Essex  girls  although  drummer  Rob  Handley  wrote  the  lyrics. John  Peel  gave  the  record  a  spin  and  in  September  the  band  supported  The  Stranglers  at  a  gig  in  Peterborough. After   18  months  of  getting  nowhere  in  Northamptonshire   Billy  returned  to  London  and  with  a  re-vamped  line up,  Riff  Raff  released  a  string  of    four  singles  in  1980  on  their  own  Geezer  label, all  dressed  up  in  sleeves  with  sexist  artwork  that  Billy  must  wince  at  today.

Riff  Raff  were  never  much  more  than  the  sum  of  their  influences  -  Elvis  Costello, The  Jam, Tom  Robinson  Band -  but  they  could  come  up  with  a  half-decent  tune  with   the  very  Costello-ish   "Little  Girls  Know"   probably  the  pick   of  the  singles   although  their  best  song  Handley's  "You  Shaped  House"  which  could  have  come  straight  off  Setting  Sons   was  only  a  B-side.

At  the  end  of  the  year  the  disillusioned  band  split  up  and  Billy's  reaction  was  to  join   the  Army. He  completed  three  months  basic  training  then  realised  his  mistake  and  bought  himself  out . Billy  then  decided  to  take  his  music  to  the  people  in  the  most  direct  way  and  started  busking  with  his  trusty  electric  guitar  under  the  name  "Spy  Vs  Spy". He  got  into  the office  of  Charisma  Records'   Peter  Jenner  who  put  his  demo  out  as  the  mini-LP  "Life's  A  Riot  With  Spy  vs  Spy"  on  his  Utility  label  in  May  1983 .

The  album  consists  of  seven  short  songs  and  lasts  just  under  sixteen  minutes. Billy  was  appalled  by  the  new  pop  ( particularly  Spandau  Ballet  which  caused  him  some  embarrasment   when  the  Kemp  brothers  signed  up  to  the  Red  Wedge  project  a  couple  of  years  later )  and  so  you  get  Billy's  foghorn  voice  backed  by  his  abrasive  guitar  and  his  songs, nothing  else. It's  not  a  classic  with  only  three  of  the  songs  worth  putting  on  again,  "A  New  England"  with  its  Eddie  Cochran  riff  and  personal / political  confusion ( later  of  course  a  big  hit  for  Kirsty  McColl ) "The  Milkman  of  Human  Kindness" , an  update  of  You've  Got  A  Friend   and  the  sombre  "The  Man  In  The  Iron  Mask"  a  song  from  the  point  of   view  of  a  cuckold  tolerating  his  partner's  infidelity. Elsewhere  the  likes  of  "To  Have  And  To  Have  Not "  and  "The  Busy  Girl  Buys  Beauty"  sound  like  they  were  knocked  up  at  lunch  time  in  a  sixth  form  common  room  and  should  have  stayed  there.

 Charisma  were  wracked  with  financial  problems   which  cost  Jenner  his  job  so  he  became  Billy's  manager. They  managed  to  extricate  the  album  from  an  uninterested  Richard  Branson  ( Virgin  had  taken  over  Charisma )  and  it  was  reissued  on  Go  Discs  at  a  fixed   price  of  £2.99   ( not  that  cheap  when  you consider  how  short  it  is ) that  November. Peel  had  got   behind  him  and  he  appeared  on  The  Tube  which  was  where  I  first  heard  him. I  was  excited  because  he  seemed  like  the  natural  successor  to  Jam-era  Paul  Weller  and  even  entertained  the  fantasy  that  he  might  call  up  Bruce  and  Rick  when  he  felt  the  need  for  a rhythm  section.

Billy  continued  with  his  frenetic  gigging  schedule , aided  by  his  new  road  manager  Andy  Kershaw.  At  the  end  of  the  year  he  released  his  first  full-length  album  "Brewing  Up  With  Billy  Bragg". It's  not  quite  as  purist  as  its  predecessor  with  Billy  adding  extra  guitar  lines  and  allowing  a  trumpet  and  organ  on  a  couple  of  tracks. Despite  a  growing  reputation  as  a  political  songwriter,  there's  only  two  songs  that  fit  in  that  bracket, the  attack  on  the  tabloid  press  "It  Says  Here "  which  he  got  to  perform  on  Breakfast  Time  and   his  soldier's  eye  view  of  the  Falklands  conflict  "Island  of  No  Return". All  the  rest  are  troubled  meditations  on  love  or  kitchen  sink  reminiscences  which  Morrissey  does  rather  better. It's  listenable  stuff  but  only  "Sr  Swithin's  Day"  and  "The  Saturday  Boy"   sound  fully  developed.

Billy  got  two  big  breaks  at  the  beginning  of  1985. First  Kirsty  McColl  made  "A  New  England" a  big  hit  with  Billy  providing  a  new  extra  verse  for  her ,  then  Kershaw  got  a  presenting  gig  on   BBC  2's   Whistle  Test  , now  an  early  evening  show  , and  wasn't  slow  in  securing  Billy  a  slot  on  the  programme.  

"Between  The  Wars "  was  the  title  song  on  his  EP  released  in  February  1985, his  first  7  inch  release.  It  was  inspired  by  the  Miner's  Strike  which  was  about  to  collapse  as  Billy  probably  realised  and  is  a  call  for  old-fashioned  socialism  though  its  mournfulness  suggests  he  knew  it  was  further  away  than  ever. The  other  songs  compliment  it. Besides  "It  Says  Here"  again  you  have  the  1930s   US  trade  union  song  "Which  Side  Are  You  On"  directed  at  the  police  and  "World  Turned  Upside  Down "  a  song  by  senior  folkie  Leon  Rosselson  about  a  revolutionary  land  movement  that  briefly  flourished  during  the  English  Civil  War.

Billy  was  never  destined  to  sell  millions  and  aside  from  a  fluke  number  one  in  tandem  with  Wet  Wet  Wet  this  remains  his  only  Top  20  hit.

 

492 Hello The Jesus And Mary Chain - Never Understand

Chart entered : 2  March  1985

Chart  peak : 47

Number  of  hits : 20

While  Go  West  were  a  quintessentially  eighties  outfit, these  guys  were  ushering  in  the  following  decade  with  two  of  the  nineties'  big  names  putting  down  their  first  marker  here and  the  band  themselves  broadening  the  sonic  range  of   the  charts.

The  band  were  formed  by  brothers  William  ( born  1959 )  and  Jim  ( born  1962 )  Reid .  Inspired  by  punk  the  brothers  spent  five  years  planning  a band  while  they  were  on  the  dole  in  East  Kilbride. Previous  names  were  The  Poppy Seeds  and  Son  of  Joey  before  settling  on  the  Jesus  and  Mary  Chain  after  a  piece  of  American  religious  tat. In  1983  they  began  sending  demos  out  and  recruited  bass  player  Douglas  Hart  and  drummer   Murray  Dalglish.  Their  main  influences  were  the  The  Velvet  Underground  and The  Stooges  balanced  out  by  the  breezy  melodies  of   The  Beach  Boys  and  Shangri-las. William  became  concerned  that  this  left  them  sounding  too  similar  to  The  Ramones  so  he  started  drenching  the  sound  with  feedback  and  white  noise  to  make  them  more  distinctive.

They  started  gigging  early  in  1984 but  failed  to  generate  much  interest  in  Scotland  and  so  re-located  to  Fulham  in  May  1984 . Douglas  gave  a  tape  to  his  friend  Bobby  Gillespie.  Bobby  was  born  in  1962  and  began  his   music  career   at  16   in  a  punk  band  called  The  Drains  alongside  his  school  friend  Alan  McGee.  He  progressed  to  being  a  roadie  for  Altered  Images. This  led  in  turn to  a  place  in  the  line  up   of  The  Wake, formed  by  former  Altered  Images  guitarist  Gerad  McInulty, as  a  drummer.  Their  first  self-released  single  was  in  1982 . "On  Our  Honeymoon "  sounds  like  B-Movie's  Steve  Hovington  ( on  an  off-day )  singing  Marilyn  Dreams  over   The  Cure's  Jumping  Someone  Else's  Train.  New  Order's  manager  Rob  Gretton  heard  it  and  got  them  a  deal  with  Factory / Benelux  for  whom  they  recorded  the  LP  "Harmony". They  were  on  the  lighter  side  of  post-punk  ( B-Movie, Department  S , Modern  English )  and  the  opening  track  "Judas "  is  a  good  tune  but  thereafter  your  attention  wanders  an  you  wish  someone  had  told  the  singer  where  to  buy  some  Vick's  Sinex. Bobby  was  asked  to  leave  the  group  before  their  next  record.

Bobby   passed  the  tape  to  McGee  who  had  recently  started  his  own  label  Creation  Records  as  a  crusade  to  bring  back  guitar  music  in  reaction  to  the  prevalence  of  synth  pop  and  new  jazz. McGee  loved  it  but  may  also  have  been  influenced  by  the  fact  that  he  too  hailed  from  East  Kilbride.  He  signed  them  up  and  they  also  accepted  his  services  as  manager.  

In  November  1984  they  released  their  first  single  on  Creation,  "Upside  Down". It  was  originally  produced  by  Joe  Foster  but  McGee  didn't  like  his  work   and  re-mixed  it,  giving  himself  the  producer  credit. The  Reid  brothers  were  no  strangers  to  recreational  drug  use  and  the  lyric  veers  between  bliss  and  self-loathing though  that  seems  incidental  to  the  layers  of  feedback  and  fuzztone  which  seem  to  be  trying  to  drone  out  the  Eddie  Cochran rhythm  going  on  underneath  the  wall  of  noise. The  single  also  contained  a  little  coupon  giving  purchasers  the  chance  to  send  off  for  a  T-shirt.

It  was  a  big  hit  in  the  independent  chart. Dalglish  then  quit  the  band  after  an  argument  over  money  and  Bobby  was  invited  in  to  replace  him. The  band  went  out  on  the  road  but  lacking  enough  material, they  quickly  became  notorious  for  playing  very  sort  sets  which  wound  up  the  audience. After  a  gig  during  the  ICA  Rock  Week   in  December  1984  ended  with  bottles  being  thrown  The  Sun  ran  a  report   describing  them  as  "the  New  Sex  Pistols "  , the  sort  of  publicity  you  can't  buy.

They  now  attracted  the  major  labels  and  signed  up  to  WEA's  Blanco  y  Negro  subsidiary  with  McGee's  blessing  since  he  was  still  on  board  as  manager.

"Never  Understand"  came  out  almost  immediately. It  follows  the  same  template  as  "Upside  Down" but  there's  a stronger  tune  underneath  as  Jim  nonchalantly  defends  his  right  to  get  wasted  against  an  uncomprehending  girlfriend  while   Dr  Szell   vies  with  Leatherface  as  to  who  can  turn  it  up  to  11  first  . I  must  admit  I  didn't  get  it  all  at  the  time  ;  it  sounded  like  someone  was  hoovering  with  a  radio  on  in  the  background   but  thirty  years  on  it  doesn't  sound  extreme  at  all.

For  a  long  time  it  puzzled  me  as  to  why  the  record  buying  public  seemed  to  suddenly  became  not  just  tolerant  but  enthusiastic  about  pure   noise  on  records  - the  Velvet Underground  after  all  had  sold  diddly  squat  - and  the  old  rules  about  having  melodic  hooks  no  longer  applied . I  think  now  that  what  I  was  missing   out  on   was  the  gaming  boom  in  the  mid-eighties  ; kids  were   getting  used  to  being  bombarded  by  white  noise  in  amusement  arcades  or  through  their  headphones  at  home  and  if   records  could  recreate  similar  thrills   through  sonic  terrorism  so  much  the  better.