227 Hello The Osmonds - Down By The Lazy River

Chart  entered : 25  March  1972

Chart  peak : 40

Number  of  hits : 10  ( as  a  group )

It's  slightly  disappointing  to  be  discussing  this  one  because  their  second  hit  was  the  single that  opened  all  the  doors  for  me  as  far  as  pop  music  was  concerned  so  that  would  have been   a  big  one  to  talk  about  but  you  can't  argue  with  the  stats.

The  Osmonds'  story  is  unique  in  pop. No  other  group  has  been  so  strongly  associated  with  a  particular  religion   ( or  cult  as  its  detractors  would  argue ). The  Osmonds  came  from  a  large  Mormon  family  in  Ogden, Utah. The  eldest  two  brothers  were  born  with  severe  hearing  problems  and  the  next  four  in  line  Alan, Wayne, Merrill  and  Jay   formed  a  junior  barbershop  quartet  around  1958  - when  Jay  ( always  my  favourite  for  reasons  I  can't  now  recall ) was  a  tender  three years  old - in  part  to  pay  for  their  treatment. At  first  they  performed  locally  but  in  the  early  sixties  their  father  took  them  to  Lawrence  Welk  in  California. He  passed  on  them  but  they  found  work  at  Disneyland. It  was  on  the  strength  of  their  performances  there  that  they  were  recommended  to  Andy  Williams  who  first  put  them  on  his  show  as  The  Osmond  Brothers  in  1962.

They  quickly  became  regular  performers  on  the  show  in  part  because  their  ultra-professionalism  made  them  so  easy  to  work  with  and  reliable. Their  first  single  "Be  My   Little  Baby  Bumble  Bee"  came  out  in  August  1963  and  if  the  idea  of  Pinky  and  Perky singing  an  old  cartoon  song  floats  your  boat  I  can  heartily  recommend  it.  Their  second , a month  later,  was  the  theme  song  to  a  TV  Western  series  starring  a  young  Kurt  Russell  and , in  some  episodes  the  Osmonds  themselves, I  haven't  heard  it  ( yes ! ). The  following  year  they did  a  version  of  "Mr  Sandman"  in  the  style  of  the  Beach  Boys ( and  particularly  I  Get Around ) . Terry  Melcher  produced  it. It  doesn't  entirely  work  but  whichever  one's  doing  the Brian  Wilson  falsetto  nails  it  to  a  T. In  1965  they  toured  Europe  and  made  a  single  in Swedish  "Fem  Smutsiga  Sma  Fingrar"  ( a  nursery  rhyme  warning  about  having  dirty  hands apparently ).

By  1967  nine  year  old  Donny   had  joined  the  line -up  full  time  but  the  older  boys  - Alan was  now  17 - were   rock  and  roll  fans  who  were  chafing  at  the  variety-show  image. "Flower Music"  was  their  first  "mature"  effort, a  breezy  Monkees-ish  pop  ditty  in  May  1967  though the  obviously  childish  harmonies  sink  the  attempt  to  ride  the  psychedelic   wave. In  July  1968 came  "Mary  Elizabeth"  which  is  a  pleasant  enough  approximation  of  Herman's  Hermits.  "I've Got  Lovin  On  My  Mind"   boasts  an  impressively  complex  harmonic  arrangement  on  a comparatively  weak  song. I  haven't  heard  "Taking  A  Chance  On  Love" from  May  1969.

At  the  end  of  the  decade  the  boys  decided  it  was  time  to  leave  the  nest  and  quit  the  Andy Williams  show  renaming  themselves  The  Osmonds.  They  were  picked  up  by  record  producer Mike  Curb  who  got  them  re-signed  to  MGM  and  sent  them  to  Rick  Hall  at  Muscle  Shoals to  get  a  more  R & B  vibe. They  picked  up  a  song  "One  Bad  Apple"  which  had  been  written for  The  Jackson  Five  by  the  unrelated  George  Jackson  but  Berry  Gordy  wasn't  keen  on letting  outsiders  have  a  slice  of  the  songwriting  pie  and  they  recorded  ABC  instead. By  this time  Merrill  had  established  himself  as  the  lead  singer  but  on  the  single, released  in November 1970  he  shares  the  lead  with  Donny  with  the  latter  doing  the  chorus. Donny's  little riff  on  the  bass  notes  of  his  electric  piano  is  also  a  prominent  element  of  the  recording. It sounds  a  little  stiff  in  comparison  to  the  Jackson  Five  - none  of  them  were  naturally  funky players - but  got  to  number  one  in  the  US  regardless  leading  to  an  enduring  misassumption here  that  they  were  conceived  as  a  Jackson  Five  for  a  conservative white audience.        

Uni  quickly  re-released  "Flower  Music"  but  flipped  it  so  that  "I  Can't  Stop  became  the  A-side. They  weren't  rewarded  with  a  hit  although  the  song  was  later  re-recorded  and  hit  the charts  in  1974. The  real  follow-up  "Double  Lovin"  stuck  to  the  "One  Bad  Apple"  formula  and  reached  number  nine  though  it  doesn't  have  a  memorable  tune. "Yo-Yo"  brings  in  more  rock  elements  ; it's  a  Joe  South  number  with  a  Day  Tripper -like  riff   at  its  centre  though  otherwise  its  pretty  similar  to  Going  To  A  Go-Go . The  B-side  "Keep  On  My  Side"  was  written  by  the  three  eldest  brothers.

 That  emboldened  Alan  and  Merrill   to  write  this  one  for  the  next  single  which  Alan  co-produced. Donny  has  no  lead  lines  on  "Down  By  The  Lazy  River" which  is  dominated  by  Merrill's  throaty  rasp  which  always  sounds  on  the  point  of  hysteria   although  it's  rather  wasted  on  a  fairly  trite  song. You  wonder  what  on  earth  he's  getting  so  excited  about  here. It  sounds  a  bit  like  a  good  time  Credence  Clearwater  Revival  song  as  re-worked  by  Kasenetz-Katz   with  Jay  giving  it  an  Archies-style  bubblegum  beat. The  boys  and  the  brass  section  give  it  plenty  of  gusto  but  it's  the  musical  equivalent  of  an  over-gassy  lager. "We're  gonna  have  a  party"  they  declare  but  I  think  I'll  decline  the  invitation.